A personal constitution

On nights that i lie awake, unable to sleep, staring at the softly whirring ceiling fan, i think about my past - flashbacks of my life, from when i was a small boy, in my mother's kitchen, waiting for the school bus, all the things i have done in my short time here. Who i have been, and who i am. And trust me when i say that i've seen some pretty interesting ups and downs in life. Who i am today is a stark change from the playful boy waiting for the school bus, the rebellious youth growing up, almost being expelled from school with no prospects on the horizon, the cocky, materialistic young man, the prodigal son, harsh, with regret and pain, as i sometimes feel, sleepless in the early hours of the morning, again, staring at the white ceiling, looking back at all those persons i have been.

It almost does not feel like me - i don't recognise them, those people, today. I feel i have had many lives, many re-incarnations, been down all those long winding roads and dark alleys that this journey of life serves up.

My point is that, you can be who you want to be. Everything can happen - You can change if you want to, as i have, awoken from a long slumber, Merlyn the Magician, finally knowing who i truly am, and who i want to be. I have come full circle - i look down on those people, materialistic, arrogant, selfish, hurtful, deceitful, that was I, to return to my roots. Knowing who i am, and where i came from. For that i'm grateful.

This lengthy piece of prose is partly to inspire those kids out there, who like me, had zero prospects on the horizon, their lives spiralling out of control - i had contemplated suicide rather strongly, and running away - didn't know where, just that i wanted to leave this life behind and go up as far north as i can. But mostly to exorcise those demons that haunt me when i lie awake in bed, staring at the blank, white ceiling and listening to the soft whirrs of the ceiling fan, strangely hypnotic. I think, i have come a long way - now i'm happy, i spend more time with my family, i love them, more than anything in the world, and im in the midst of finishing a degree course. So life's looking up, and by any means a 180 degree change from the past. But do i regret who i have been? Maybe yes, maybe no. But what does it matter? Let the ghosts of the past dance with the ghosts of the past.

Let this be the cornerstones for a personal constitution. Who i want to be, who i choose to be, what i choose to do with my life. Your life is in your own hands - change it, go travelling, pursue your interests if you want to, make every decision a conscious choice. Will it make me happy? Note though that there is a world of difference between happiness and pleasure. Will it make me a better person?

This is what i have arrived at:

I strive to live life, as it is and should be, not perverted notions defined by material acquisitions.

I seek to be who i am, who i want to be, not what others want me to be. I have, in short, traded acceptance of the masses to be a social outcast, by choice. Where i am self dependent, and don't exist merely because i am part of a group, that i am one of them, that i am accepted because i share, or superficially exhibit their same beliefs, tastes and expectations.

That i shall not be swayed by material pursuits. I have traded the world for my life, and not my life for the world.

the Open Road beckons.

Taiwan: Tainan and beyond

Maobitou, the southernmost point of Taiwan brings up vivid flashbacks of windswept cliffs, treacherous trails that wind along and even at stretches descending into the tiny strip of sand at the foot of the cliffs, where the waves crash into the rocks and sand, sending up huge gusts of spray and flavouring the air with sea salt.

The area, being smack by some stormy seas, is rightly famous for its seafood - amongst which the more exotic include flying fish, wings and all, and the puffer fish, an interesting tasting, if a bit expensive delicacy. Tried this one, but the thing i remembered most was not the taste but paying loads for the small portion served in a paper box...

The Marine Park in nearby Kenting is also a fun day trip - the whales are so cute! Again, some great coastal views, strong crosswinds and the salty, tangy sea air thats a nice break from all the city slicking and mountain trekking of days before. I've always liked the coast and the sea, and find it liberating - Limitless, perhaps, in its vastness and continuity.

Taiwan: Tainan

I remember...

seating on a stone park wall, listening to a busker strum his guitar under the bough of a tree, with light bulbs strung from the branches, near the old fort at Anping, where only a few crumbling walls remain of the original structure - the rest is a reconstruction.

Like a troubadour of old.

Stopping at a dusty car park for a toilet break and to stretch my legs, after a long ride from Alishan.

Walking the night markets of Tainan, hawkers calling out to customers. One of those was a bit like a fairground - a vast open space where pushcarts were gathered and some restaurants hastily erected. I tried the escargot, Taiwan style, fried and spicy, with degrees of spicy-ness to select from - Mild, to "super" hot, shovelled into plastic bags for the customer, with a long toothpick to help you dig out the invertebrates.

All systems go

So its pretty much confirmed India this May - got my visa, ticket and guidebooks. Been doing a fair bit of research too - so far Rajasthan looks really amazing, the barren desert, imposing fortresses of the Mughals of old, and the caravan trade that brought wealth to the area....

Its less than 2 months to go to 2 months (not a typo here =) in India and Nepal, and then some R and R on Thailand's beaches before heading home.... Sweet... Just final year exams and then its back on the road again.... Its not "just" final year exams, of course, but knowing that itll all brew over in a month and a half's time, plus the fact that i'll be travelling for (hopefully) almost double that time is rather nice...

Dreamscape

I enjoy....

Walking around campus at night, when everything is so quiet and unreal - the streetlamps casting off bright, orange light, diffusing through the boughs of trees, portal-like, another world, illuminating swirling dust and leaves in the night, like an old, rattling projector in an old movie house.

Just the night before, i was walking back from school at 2 a.m. - apparently im one of those people that inspires lively discussions on the 2 way radios of campus security. Walked out of the foyer and through the carpark, it felt as if i was in another world - so detached from this world i felt, floating almost across the vast empty space, just me, myself, I and the night. The incandescent, white, phosphorous glow from those bulbous, perfectly rounded lamps that light up the carpark partially - almost, in the darkness, floating in the night, a surreal, beautiful wonderland.

Is it that i have too wild an imagination, or is it i who am too detached from this world, yet paradoxically too entwined in it, ebbing and flowing like time and like all of mankind? Or am i just mad? These nightly strolls have become a source of many questions indeed.

That night i slept fitfully. A white, dreamless sleep. Or was I awake, and awakening a dream?

India, baby

Will be in India in exactly 2 months from now. Whoopee!!! Just bought my ticket to Madras today - 250 SGD, cheapest flight to India, on Tiger Airways. The only downside is probably having to sleep at MAA since it arrives at 2300 at night.

Chatted with this Italian in the lift - i seem to meet the quirkiest people - he owns a resort in Sri Lanka and was telling me about it, handing me a brochure pulled out from his pockets like it was a secret map leading to some hidden Paradise - i thought of Daffy Duck (the Beach, anyone??) - Giuliano, as i found out later, was dressed rather, um, unconventionally in greasy overalls, and opened the conversation with a taciturn "holiday, eh?" after i jabbed the close door button in the lift. The "lovely beach" was marked on the western coast of Sri Lanka, probably 3 hours or so out of Colombo.

Which brings me to the point that travelling is a mentality, not just an activity. A mindset that embraces and opens our eyes to what is new, refreshing, and beautiful in everyday life. The simple things that a lot of people seem to take for granted...

Taiwan: Yushan

The day before Alishan i had trekked around Yushan - some vey beautiful scenery, the mountains were in full bloom, and from the trail, when you look down, it was just neverending fields of red and crimson. Very lovely. And the cold, crisp air that makes you feel so alive. One moment in time that i can remember, stopping by the trailside late afternoon to pull on my gloves, the air was getting cold, the light almost fading, before continuing on. I wonder why its this moment that i remember with perfect clarity, perhaps its the early evening coolness setting in that makes me feel so alive, invigorated.

Spent the evening at the observatory mid way up Yushan - billions and billions of stars on the velvety dark night sky - beautiful. It was so quiet and black as pitch at the observatory - i had to make my way down with a torch, following the well trodden trail carefully, watching out for rocks and holes along the way. Finally made it to designated pick up spot where a van ferried us along dark, winding moutain roads to a lodge on nearby Alishan.